Why does dad leave whenever Santa comes by?
Because he fucks your sister behind your back while you are washing your hands after wanking under the Chrismas tree on the golden age.
I once shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I don't know.
— Groucho Marx
I want to die like my father, quietly, in his sleep—not screaming and terrified like his passengers. — Bob Monkhouse
Beliefs are like assault rifles: just because the Constitution says you can have them, doesn't mean you need them.
Most things are actually really interesting if you think about them hard enough. Some aren't, though.
Man would sooner have the Void for his purpose than be void of Purpose.
-Friedrich Nietzsche
We're sorry, the universe is currently experiencing technical difficulties. Please (?force) accept this beautiful body (?meat-cage). Enlightenment is loading...
the last will be first and the first shall be last. Those of us in the middle won't notice the difference
There can be no difference anywhere that does not make a difference somewhere.
-William James
Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative.
-Henry Kissinger
If you do not expect the unexpected, you will not find it; for it is hard to be sought out and difficult.
Fuck the System? Fuck the Man? Fuck this shit?
Nah, find a cute person you like and Fuck them, Fuck them hard!
Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go.
-William Feather
JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED, DOESN'T MEAN THAT I'M OFFENSIVE LIKE YOUR MOTHER IS, BITCH!
5253 Live Kwotes, 741 Deleted Kwotes
Based on the GPL Kwotes Project